Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
