4 words: hood of his car
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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