no you cant smoke seaweed
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
