I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
