My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
