So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
