hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
