i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
