shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
