i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
