I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And then my night got REAL pukey
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
