so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
North Korea, Best Korea!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
