I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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