sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
