i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
