Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
These tits shall not be calmed
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
