So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
