So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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