if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
