im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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