Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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