You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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