no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
