I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
