is wine microwaveable?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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