Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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