that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
