Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
