How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
