Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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