Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
