i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This baby is an asshole
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
