More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think my tv is drunk
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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