Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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