last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
