You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
