ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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