I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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