just come out here and I will go home with you...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
