you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
