I smell stomach acid.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
