His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
