He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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