he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
