I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
