i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
