He kissed a someone with a penis
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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