You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
