Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
