i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
